p good poem

another year

birthday came and went, i’m 52 now!!! celebrated by taking the day off, eating pizza and salad, eating cake for breakfast (ordered off goldbelly in a panic but no regrets, would do again), and watching my “canon movie i’ve never seen” — paper moon (v good) and bonus second: the french connection (not my fave? but you could see why it was a big deal). birthday movies thus far:

• paris, texas
• chungking express
• hoosiers
• mad max
• the conversation
• paper moon

i’m v pleased about this list and this tradition and my other unspoken tradition: TAKING THE DAY OFF. watching movies, eating cake, not working — some define this as heaven (me do). anyhow nothing revelatory to report — feel lucky for all that i have, days can still be tough, headaches plague me, but overall it’s all p lucky, both zoomed in and zoomed out. now watching moonstruck — a perfect movie, as i’ve mentioned (besides the 25 seconds of lifetime movie montage where cher is drinking wine in front of a fire) — which made me wonder which oscars moonstruck won (best actress/cher, best supporting actress/olympia dukakis, and best original screenplay/john patrick shanley) (all extremely deserved). led me to watching cher’s oscar speech and she’s awesome and meryl streep is also so awesome.

on the flight to houston

on the flight home

it only has one volume: 11

from the new york times “The Bagpiper’s Endless Quest for a Place to Practice”:

good reminder

https://www.tumblr.com/lauraolin/822443544753111040/nervebynerve-the-daily-routine-of-most-adults

my interior vibe (ideally)

siesta bone

shopping for orthopedic shoes and what — an evocative name

things i’m worrying about at 4am

• do people with kids think that people without kids are less than, in their heart of hearts? if you asked, i’m sure they would say “Oh no, no way” but in their hearts — do they? i think some do!!!
• why is the back of my eye hurting these past few weeks, should i get it checked out, if so who do i see? and where do i go?
• how do i find an amazing or at least decent PCP (in Austin?)
• how do i manage everything at work gracefully while we’re short staffed
• linda and her doctor visit
• why is work so much harder this summer/year? [a: more activities, more high stakes grants, less staff?]
• how do you do a job for a long time and NOT grow, but be ok with that? like how do you stay still and still be excellent? seems like an oxymoron but help me see that it’s not.
• related: how do you go up to a certain level and then go back down to something more sustainable
• fact: managing contractors [construction and otherwise] is hell
• storytime
• when can i take a vacation longer than 2 days
• what do we do with the dogs if we want to go away, who can we hire, does it even work, will teddy go insane and poop all over the house
• why is some poetry so UGH
• aging
• aging gracefully
• dementia, please don’t let me have it and if i do, please take me to a state where i can end my life humanely
• the universe, the meaning of life, what’s it all about, how do we keep moving forward amidst it all, NBD

we started watching the sheep detectives last night and it was honestly just what my stressed brain needed (though we had to stop 41 minutes in because i was falling asleep). gotta work on my sleep again. teddy has been taking up a LOT of room on the bed and it’s not easy. i feel for him because that’s how he lived his life for 10 years and he moves here and he has to sleep on the ground, i don’t think so? but also maybe i think so. ok off to do baby pilates.

and wouldn’t you know it, another poem

from “brokeheart” by patrick rosal:

“Just like that, I’m water.
Just like that, I’m the boat.
Just like that, I’m both things in the whole world
rocking. Sometimes sadness is just
what comes between the dancing. And bam!,
my mother’s dead and, bam!, my brother’s
children are laughing.”

and ok another!!!!