do people with kids think that people without kids are less than, in their heart of hearts? if you asked, i’m sure they would say “Oh no, no way” but in their hearts — do they? i think some do. my sister gives me shade every now and again and i think she just thinks i’m sort of…useless in the bigger scheme? like i don’t have kids and i can’t even do XYZ. like she has kids and is a super human managing a company her family her house and is amazing and i’m just a librarian with nothing to do and can’t even order cookies for our sister while i’m at work. but this is maybe my own insanity talking.
why is the back of my eye hurting these past few weeks, should i get it checked out, if so who do i see? and where do i go and ahhhhhh
how do i find an amazing or at least decent PCP in austin
how do i manage everything at work gracefully while we’re short staffed
linda and her doctor visit
why is work so much harder this summer/year? [more activities, more high stakes grants, less staff?]
how do you do a job for a long time and NOT grow, but be ok with that? like how do you stay still and still be excellent? seems like an oxymoron but help me see that it’s not
managing contractors [construction and otherwise] is hell
how do you go up to a certain level and then go back down to something more sustainable
my eye whyyyy is it hurting
storytime
when can i take a vacation longer than 2 days
what do we do with the dogs if we want to go away, who can we hire, does it even work, will teddy go insane and poop all over the house
why is some poetry so UGH
aging
aging gracefully
dementia, please don’t let me have it and if i do, please take me to a state where i can end my life humanely
the universe, the meaning of life, what’s it all about, how do we keep moving forward amidst it all
we started watching the sheep detectives last night and it was honestly just what my stressed brain needed (though we had to stop 41 minutes in because i was falling asleep). gotta work on my sleep again. teddy has been taking up a LOT of room on the bed and it’s not easy. i feel for him because that’s how he lived his life for 10 years and he moves here and he has to sleep on the ground, i don’t think so? but also maybe i think so. ok off to do baby pilates.
“Just like that, I’m water. Just like that, I’m the boat. Just like that, I’m both things in the whole world rocking. Sometimes sadness is just what comes between the dancing. And bam!, my mother’s dead and, bam!, my brother’s children are laughing.”
“last night I saw my son’s adult self & in the same moment toddler self this really happened he was playing “Wish You Were Here” by Pink Floyd on his electric guitar & feeling it”
ok lots to cover including an awesome too-short trip to austin (raise a glass) (more on that later, MAYBE) but the thing that is echoing in my brain today is how can someone be here one day and then just…gone? i gave ross my mom’s laptop, but i haven’t wiped it yet (dragging my feet on most everything), and he asked if i could, and then we were on a rathole journey with her apple id and codes sent to her phone so we had to quit (for today). it’s just so abstract and strange that someone is here and then they are not and they leave behind all these memories and THINGS. i don’t miss my mom exactly, but i think about her constantly. it’s so strange — that she’s gone. anyway, unrelated/related, a good poem.
The best thing The best thing about being 80 is that you outlive the clocks that have been chasing you. It’s freedom from that lie that anything was ever under control. You don’t chase the parade anymore. You’re an old king from some vanished country. You’re harder to program. You’re not rushing to become anything and you’re not haunted by things that you did. You’re haunted by how little of it really mattered in the way you thought it would.
what i love about this is that it’s not ACTUALLY the best thing, i mean, there are good things in his statement (freedom, not chasing the parade), but also bittersweet things (“you’re haunted by how little of it really mattered in the way you thought it would”). being 80 probably is mostly bittersweet. so much loss, so much of everything.
Posted: June 23rd, 2026 | Tags:Uncategorized | Comments Off on quesadillas etc
BORING STUFF:
kid cafe is over, hallelujah! it’s the best thing i do BY FAR but let me be real it’s hard as hell
we made bean and cheese quesadillas in kid cafe, which i’m not sure i’ve ever really eaten? is it possible? but with pickled jalapenos and salsa, they hit the spot (had for dinner thursday night and again saturday) (lotta leftovers) (might be eating quesadillas for the rest of my life)
went out to dinner with my friend and we skittered over a few topics that are staying in my mind: how most of us live small lives (vs billionaire lives), how do we make ~rich~ small lives, public vs. private schools, million dollar homes, breakdowns, the sustainability of jobs that ask a lot, what is a meaningful life, etc etc. just the normal stuff, right. obviously came to no conclusions
also my amazing therapist rick came to see me at the library on a road trip through town. i’d never met him and it was so honestly cool, i don’t know why, just tender and cool, like finally meeting a pen pal. or like an uncle you’d never met but who was a faraway guide for your life.
feel like my general thing these days is just swallowing feelings, trying to err on the kind side, just take it in and ride it and accept it, which i’m theoretically big into, but sometimes on the flip side it can be extremely irritating
also irritating — shrugs and shrug vibes
also also irritating: EGOS (or really just my own?)
not irritating — this beaver screenshot, which i stole from someone’s instagram story, it’s so so cute, like a disney beaver
