guys i had so much to say but now that i’m finally in front of my computer i’m like this: :| but basically i finished school on may 4th FOREVER (made a B, my only grad school B, which really chuffs, because the class was NOT GREAT, though, in fairness, i got a B because i didn’t turn in an assignment, ha, though actually later turned it in, at my professor’s urging, and then she didn’t grade it?) (classic teacher bait and switch), then i went to austin and houston to celebrate (and go to five doctors), but my pals got covid, and then when i got back to marfa, i was plunged immediately into exxxtreme grueling chaos, and so ANYWAY, graduating felt like going out with a whimper instead of a bang and now i’m just like, ok i’m done? [said by a tiny meek mouse]
grad school was a terrible slog that literally took away 2500 years of my life and sapped me of my ~ebullient spirit~, but still, it was worth it because — i’m a librarian !!!!!!!!
guys went to the amazing texas library association conference and i was surprised by how unmoored i felt about the whole experience — i almost started crying checking in. which was so weird and embarrassing. i mean, yes, it was all new and foreign, but still…when did i grow so insecure and unsure? and relatedly: why am i so quick to diminish my accomplishments?it’s the legit opposite of how you’re supposed to be in the world at age 107. i think about how i moved to marfa and didn’t know anyone and just rolled with it and just somehow i’ve lost that spirit. is it being in marfa? was it ballroom? was it the long road through grad school and having to really humble myself to make a living? is it being so removed from my support system and just losing my way? WHY DON’T I WANT TO BE SEEN? anyway. it was a wonderful experience but lonely and unsettling and i was honestly glad to be back in marfa.
