oh man

i’m not a sky weather landscape person, but the sky in marfa is just totally insane. this is the sky while adam bork was playing our show. what a totally amazing fantastic night. although somehow i lost my wallet. hopefully it’s at the grocery store? hopefully. deep hopefully. in other news, i love all humans who live in marfa and i love living in marfa and i love everything about everything.

words for empty and words for full.

words for empty and words for full

not feeling like a cascarone anymore. more like a stewed tomato. i know it’s just temporary. but i think it has to do with the posters not getting here in time and feeling disappointed in myself and aware of my weaknesses.

so i was feeling deflated and aimless and decided i wanted to eat something hearty (fries), so i convinced susan and sophia to go to mando’s with me and susan asked me about _____ and i told her about how he’d criticized my ambition and she was like, “that’s not what it’s about. it’s about having a good life.” i feel like susan more than anyone else is allowed to say this and allowed to think it and allowed to actually know it.

title courtesy of the poet bob hicok

niki

adam bork gave me this amazing sign today. i think it was part of a box:

lately, today especially, i feel like someone cracked a cascarone on my head and all the confetti is streaming down my head. or maybe it’s more that feeling when someone does spider hands on the top of your head and you get the shivers down your back. just…wide open. and ready. like something about to bloom. i keep thinking about that quote from the brief wondrous life of oscar wao:

And that’s when it hit me with the force of a hurricane. The feeling. I stood straight up, the way my mother always wanted me to stand up. My abuela was sitting there, forlorn, trying to cobble together the right words and I could not move or breathe. I felt like I always did at the last seconds of a race, when I was sure I was going to explode. She was about to say something and I was waiting for whatever she was going to tell me. I was waiting to begin.

entire box of cookies

last night we had a board meeting, and then i came home and ate an entire box of cookies. jules destrooper chocolate thins. and i didn’t even feel bad about it. i just felt SATISFIED. like, “that was a very good idea.”

although then later i went into my bathroom and there was a GIANT cockroach scurrying around, which i stressfully killed by spraying tilex bleach on it and then drowning it in my bathroom sink. but i was like, is there a reason this cockroach appeared RIGHT AFTER i ate a whole box of cookies?! like a warning sign from my stomach? or cookies across the country.

last night, outside the laundromat

my life is on fire

GD, it’s beautiful here. today i volunteered at chinati community day and helped kids make flags out of felt. one of the kids, victor, wanted to make a flag, maybe american, maybe dutch. he was 4. he ended up making an american, a dutch, and a french flag. incredible. then the event ended, and chinati was locked up, so i walked by myself, amid the concrete boxes and sheds, to the car. i almost started crying with the beauty of it all. not to be too corny. but it was hot, and beautiful, and i’d just made flags with kids.

LUCKY.

i’m reading everything ravaged, everything burned (great title), and i read “retreat” just now, and this part got me:

I could not think what to do. I was still holding my pie plate, and without giving it much thought, I flung it into the woods. A crash followed without the rewarding tinkle of shattered crockery.

“Oh, God,” I said.

“What?” said Stephen.

“Nothing,” I said. “My life is on fire.”

leather motorcycle jackets

was looking at marisa’s blog, and she had this awesome bit from lesley arfin’s advice column:

Aren’t you sick of doubting yourself and wondering “what if?” and kicking rocks and feelin’ bummed? I am. So let’s just make a deal with each other not to feel that way anymore. It’s easy. Let’s do what we want and go for what we want, and if it doesn’t work out, let’s promise ourselves we won’t take it for personal. Most of the time rejection is protection. Let’s see it like that.

Get a million crushes, smooch girls, and act like you’re wearing a leather motorcycle jacket even when you’re not. Here’s to a great fucking summer.

padlocks

Idea of the Millennium?

my workplace uses a combination padlock to lock its door. it’s a weirdly huge relief to know that it’s not even possible to lock my keys inside work. well, it’s possible. but fixable. without the use of a locksmith and a telephone and four hours and $150. just one four-number code, and BOOM. my brain last night was like, why don’t we have combo locks on EVERYTHING?!

(answer: google “combo padlocks” — fifth result: “how to easily open a combination padlock”)

my new motto

saw this awesome graffiti in philadelphia last october, near betsy ross’s house:

back back back, but am i permanently back?

guys! i’m back! maybe even permanently!

a lot has happened since my last post. i can’t even begin to detail the things that have happened. actually i can. they include:

1. three years going by
2. quitting yahoo!
3. moving to portland for 2.5 years and really liking it
4. dating a dummy
5. swimming in the mediterranean
6. my stepdad dying
7. making my zine
8. moving to marfa

ETC. ETC.

maybe my next blog post will list EVERYTHING that happened in the three years since i last posted. but guessing that will not happen. but the thing is, what i’m saying here is: i’m back to blogging. it sounds ridiculous but seriously folks: i live in marfa now, and i want to document it.