i accidentally slept with crush #2 saturday night!
it was TOTALLY awesome!
he was a GREAT kisser. great amazing kisser. great amazing! what a blast! but my friend hilary made me nervous because she asked if we had made out, and at first i lied, but then felt guilty, so i retracted it, and we talked about it, and she was telling me about how our mutual friend had liked crush #2 a while ago and he was sleeping with her AND this other girl in town at the same time and not telling them, and our friend hasn’t forgiven him, and the whole thing made me kind of small-town nervous and also made me wonder: how COULD he do something like that? and who else is he sleeping with right now? while sleeping with me? and why DO you need to sleep with more than one girl? what’s THAT all about?
but ANYWAY, it was flat awesome. despite all that. and then he came over last night for 45 minutes and it was sweet and today he’s moving to austin, so he stopped by work, and we went to the get go together and hugged and then he was gone. secretly i wanted to make out some more and i immediately started thinking about sending him some miniature snickers as a going-away present.
i’m reading 1776 as part of our new american revolution (amrev) book club, where we read tales of the patriots and then draw a portrait of our favorite amrev hero.
this book club consists of me and hilary.
i thought 1776 was going to be an exhaustive history of the events leading up to 1776 (based on nothing but the title), but ACTUALLY, it’s a documentation of all the events of 1776, exclusively (actually more reflective of the title). and it’s AWESOME. i can’t stop reading it. our patriot forefathers were basically totally awesome and totally insane and our army was both crazy and bedraggled and totally effed. like, from where i am in the book, you’re like, there’s no way these guys are going to win this war. i mean, one night, in the MIDDLE OF WINTER, most of them with no shoes, they had to cross the delaware, walk to trenton (eight hour journey, total), start fighting, THEN, after winning the battle, immediately walk back and then cross the river again (another eight hours). gives you perspective when your boss asks you to work late. like, yes. i will work late. just please don’t make me walk shoeless for eight hours in the bitter cold and then kill some germans and then walk back.
Twice in the past week, Crush #2 and I have hung out till 3 or 4 am, just the two of us, JUST talking. Nothing even remotely flirtatious. Well, besides the staying up till 4 am and talking. I can’t figure it out. Not that I need to. I’m actually trying NOT to. I’m trying to just be like, This is kind of cool to actually get to know someone. But is it cool? It’s a little scary, actually. Because maybe he really JUST wants to be friends. Or maybe I do. And like, what if you get to know people and you always just end up wanting to be friends? Because isn’t that kind of always how it is? Like you just burn through that initial mystery and everything becomes a part of you, like a good shirt. But not a shirt you want to make out with.
this past weekend, we had this huge conference, and at the last minute, one of the speakers — let’s call him martin — had to cancel (his father was dying). so thursday night, i canceled martin’s airplane and car reservations.
but THEN! at the REALLY last minute (friday morning!), martin was able to come. so i scrambled and booked his airline ticket, his hotel room, and a rental car. prepaid for what i could (hotel and airline). emailed my boss and the man’s assistant about all the different pieces, and sent email receipts.
so there we are friday night, opening night of the conference, i’m checking people in, very cheerful, when this very important man, who helped organize the conference, came up to me and starts saying, “martin didn’t receive any of his car or hotel information” and i need to fix it right away and how could this have happened. i was like, “um, i DID send the confirmations,” and he was like, “well, he doesn’t have it, so FIX IT,” and walked away, and i immediately felt like a total idiot and started working on it from my iphone (very slow) and of course little baby tears start falling out of my eyes, because the SHAME of having not done my job right, of having this VIP chastising me in front of people…folks, it’s gonna be baby tears.
anyway, it made me start thinking about slaves and being a slave, and i think i would have been a pretty good slave for like, 2 months, and then i would have exploded and then been killed.
so i finished my alcohol cleanse, and just drank two beers. they tasted delicious. although i did notice a noticeable slurring after one beer (i had one at work with my friend gory).
things i love:
music
friendship
drinking beer
i wrote to jonah and was like, “art is awesome, but isn’t music awesomer? or not awesomer. they are equal. but music is a little bit awesomer.” because music IS awesomer. or different. it’s just different. (but also awesomer?)
and this post is gonna be boring. but i’m listening to terre t’s show on WFMU with special guest lou barlow, and it reminded me of “natural one,” which is such a good song.
if anyone has a recipe for a great italian cream cake (it’s my coworker’s birthday on friday, and that’s her favorite kind of cake), please to send. now. back to work.
i was a SUPER grump today. really snappy with my coworkers. to get over myself, i’m buying a pair of red shiny leggings. i feel like my attitude needs a recharge. my attitude and my workouts. all in need of a recharge. enter red shiny leggings.
picture me in these with a much less awesome shirt
IN OTHER NEWS, i’m crushing too hard right now. trying NOT to crush. failing. FAILING. so failing. even though the tarot cards said this guy was all wrong for me. STILL crushing. even though he’s slept with 1800 women in town. STILL. CRUSHING. can’t help myself. he walked me home on saturday night and we stood outside my house for a long time talking and then we hugged three times (second and third hugs = all my doing) and then the next night he stopped by my house at 11 pm to say goodbye before he left town and then we talked for almost two hours about teenage blowjobs and my flag and his lost journal and then he gave me a kiss on the cheek and hugged me and then i demanded another hug and then he left.
CRUSH! CRUSHING!
no makeout, but so much crushing.
and maybe it’s weird that there was no makeout? and it means he’s not interested? so i created this whole story to myself about how he’s being a gentleman and we’re getting to know each other while we fall in love. i actually thought these words to myself.
in the movie of my life, this is where my awesome friends are like, “oh no.”
sidenote: what am i looking for in a man?
kind, creative, smart, great dancer, handsome, funny, someone who looks great in sleeveless shirts.
