recently acquired two roosters for neighbors. one lives next door, the other is catty-corner. today they did a call-and-response at 5 am. “hi, i’m crowing.” “hi, i’m also crowing.” “hi, let’s see if we can wake up our non-rooster neighbor.” “good idea!!!!!” “i think it’s working!” etc. etc.
this is the flag i made for lorna’s show, my personal flag. i had real big visions for what i was going to do, but then i waited until the VERY LAST MINUTE to do it, and i was like this in in the fantastic-well-executed idea department: _______________. though one idea was to have a real gory heart bleeding off the flag page, like really gory and disgusting, and i told rocky about it, and he was like, OH TOTALLY YES, GO EMO, and it was 11 pm on monday night, and i was like, IT REALLY IS A PERFECT IDEA, and then i started. but it turned out not really looking very gory or emo. and more just like a valentine.
first, this is a crackup (scroll down to the “in other news” section):
If there is one word that describes my prevailing feeling about “all this” “right now” it is the word “UGH.”
second, here’s someone who’s terrible at goodbyes: ME. so terrible. the worst. can i blame my parents for getting divorced and the awkwardness of seeing one’s father once at a week and having to inject and then eject myself from his routine every week? YES. sorry parents.
ross and i met in junction last night and today went tubing (?!) (in march?!), which was a super blast, and after lunch, we were heading our separate ways, and he’s pretty nonchalant about the goodbyes, very “fun time, see ya,” which is good and normal, but i’m all messed up about saying goodbye, and feel very tender, and a strange mix of weepy and cold. like so close to this person but protectively wanting to get as much distance as possible. in fact, today, i just was like, “ok, see you,” and didn’t get out of the car to say goodbye, and yet started quietly crying while sitting in said car.
awesome.
he was super nice about it, but all in all, a complicated way to say i’m in love with you, i had a great time, thanks for dinner last night, see you in 12 days.
from evening will come, from the note at the end of “in a word, a world” by c.d. wright; originally from “crescent”:
later beneath the blueness of trees the future falls out of place: something always happens: draw nearer my dear: never fear: the world spins nightly toward its brightness and we are on it.
the one the trash can makes on a mac when you empty the trash. it sounds like crumpling paper. scrabble scrabble. very satisfying.
love, someone who is trying to avoid her biggest loser/last chance workout
here are words to describe me lately: bananas, crazy bananas, 4loko, insane, dirty-haired, tired-eyed, very tired-eyed. work is scaring me. too much to do, not enough human hands. my coworker worked all last week and all weekend and then stayed up all night last night, and there’s no end in sight. but not me. (NOT ME?) i don’t live by those rules anymore (right?). plan is to work every night late, but my weekends are for napping. and tax worksheets. and biggest loser workouts. and dicking around. and listening to new music. and watching all of the current season of parks & rec on nbc.com. and talking to ross for…4 hours…throughout a day (WHO AM I).