Posted: October 31st, 2012 | Tags: Uncategorized | No Comments »
yesterday my coworkers could tell that i was annoyed and ornery after the office move (it’s so petty, very unzen, porque am i so unzen, why do i let jabs get to me, why do i get annoyed at poorly planned office moves, no real skin off me nose, so why), and they were like, let’s go to mando’s for a beer, where we had two michelob ultras each, rosa actually had three, plus chips and queso, guacamole, onion rings, and fries with ranch, plus biff and ross had burgers and rosa and yoseff split a patty melt, and straight truth there are some things that make things better (friendship) (michelob ultras).
Posted: October 31st, 2012 | Tags: Uncategorized | No Comments »
had dream last night about being stalked and looked up the dream interpretation — “to dream that you are being stalked indicates some difficulty or issues which you are not confronting.” OH HELL YES, as yesterday had very annoying (tense) day with coworker who is very nice, has good heart, but essentially my polar opposite, very prim, very proper, very ambitious, a bit smug, and she was coordinating our office move, which i found disorganized and was a bit face grouchy about it (sorry, face is transparent) (ok, truthfully, i was probably being a bit smug, as i’m pretty good at organizing events [brag] and didn’t feel like this office move was up to snuff, though she had just been in a car accident last week, should’ve cut her some slack, but see title of this post, evil heart, no slack will ever be cut), plus we had to haul our own filing cabinets, etc., but then the new office wasn’t even ready, but we had already started moving, per her instructions, annoyed face, and after a couple hours of tension between us, we’re in the new office, she was like, “well, nicki’s desk is always very messy, i remember one time she had toilet paper on her desk for two weeks” and i felt a blaze of dizzy anger but tried to be causal, “hey! not true! actually that was not my desk, that was rosa’s, ha ha ha” but inside my heart was swelling with permanent black hate.
hence the nightmare regarding stalking and unsolved (petty) problems.
which are truly not solved yet.
as i still very hateful towards her, work, working, being alive.
WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU DON’T LIKE SOMEONE
HOW DO YOU FIND THE PEACE IN YOUR HEART
Posted: October 20th, 2012 | Tags: Uncategorized | No Comments »
found this in my gmail, from when i went to europe in 2009 with jonathan and then we broke up in paris and i was writing to alexa and chooks about getting a ride from the airport:
lexy!!!!! chooks!!!!! i get back tomorrow!!!!! i am ready!!!!! although i’ve had a fantastic, croissant-jamming, complicated time! … last day was hellllllllla weird. nothing weird happened, just like, this is it?! for me and j, that is.
it sums it up so well. just like, this is it? basically nothingness. what a waste. the things loneliness leads us to. though it was worth it to have a fantastic, croissant-jamming time. maybe everything just leads us to something.
Posted: October 20th, 2012 | Tags: Uncategorized | No Comments »
something i might be bad at: living in the moment
Posted: October 20th, 2012 | Tags: Uncategorized | No Comments »
from Denis Johnson’s Train Dreams:
This was on a hot June day. They’d borrowed a wagon from Gladys’s father and brought a picnic in two baskets. They hiked over to Grossling’s meadow and waded into it through daisies up to their knees. They put out a blanket beside a seasonal creek trickling over the grass and lay back together. Grainier considered the pasture a beautiful place. Somebody should paint it, he said to Gladys. The buttercups nodded in the breeze and the petals of the daisies trembled. Yet farther off, across the field, they seemed stationary.
Gladys said, “Right now I could just about understand everything there is.”
