when people commit suicide, no one ever understands, you know what i mean? people commit suicide, people go, “i don’t understand why.”
and i go, “you don’t?”
what, you live in a cotton candy house or something? what the fuck? you don’t know about life? how it only disappoints? and gets worse and worse? until it ends in a catastrophe? the fuck???
Now I weigh about 160 pounds. When I left the hospital after being treated for a burst appendix, I weighed 140. When I was nine months pregnant and starving every second, I weighed 210. I have been everything from size 4 to 14. I have been the life of the party and a drag. I have been broke and loaded, clinically depressed and radiantly happy. Spread out over the years, I’m a harem.
How can we accept that when it comes to our bodies (and everything else, for that matter), the only inevitability is change?
Making A Child Is Waiting was like drowning painlessly. It was a slow death. Shadows kept haunting me all the time I was trying to make like this big Hollywood director… I’ve since learned I’m just not temperamentally suited to that kind of ball game… It’s hard to be on the outside, and yet that’s really where you want to be.
It is easy for people who have never tried to do anything as strange and difficult as being married to say marriage doesn’t matter, or to condemn those who fail at it, or to mock those who even try. But there is so much beauty in the trying, and in the failing, and in the trying again. Peter renounced Jesus three times before the cock crowed. And yet, he was the rock upon whom Christ built his church.
yo, something happened in the last year where my face got old!
trying to remember that sarah silverman quote, “don’t hate on your grown ass skin,” and remember that that’s just how it is — can’t be a youth forever (tho let’s buy numerous good-smelling creams to try). and grateful to have a face and skin at all.
speaking of oldies, my dad had a thank-you party for people who have donated to his MS150 rides, and it was at this cabaret in houston, where the cast performed a british rock revue. honestly it was sort of incredible to see the performers really going for it, i was so surprised by their dedication, accidentally cried during “wild horses” and maybe an adele song, maybe also “tiny dancer,” maybe also “don’t look back in anger,” plus the band (see below) really hit my spot.
never give up!!!!!
ps finally cracked the embedding-iphone-video-in-wordpress conundrum!!!! ELATION
awesome article about mattel’s new versions of ken (i had a ken doll growing up, who i pretended was bo duke of thedukes of hazzard and occasionally made to have rubbing type interactions with barbie):
That’s because Ken is the carefully calibrated ideal complement to Barbie—a blank, smiling man who does not threaten the stardom of the most intelligent, talented, rappin’ rockin’ princess astronaut in all of Malibu. Ken is “nice,” the members of the Barbie team will tell me over and over when I ask them to describe a doll’s personality: “a nice guy”; “a solid dude”; and, most damningly: “I picture him kind of Ryan Seacrest-y.”
Well, not anymore. Starting now, Mattel is re-imagining the all-American guy. He may not be as inspiring as an imaginary female solo homeowner or the first imaginary female president, but that doesn’t mean he can’t have a rich imaginary inner life. The decision to give him some depth marks a new chapter for men, and dolls who are men. From this day forward, Ken doesn’t always have to look like the most basic frat bro ever to get a B- in econ. He can be complicated, mysterious—maybe even vegan.