{"id":1421,"date":"2010-10-28T16:38:14","date_gmt":"2010-10-28T16:38:14","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/bookbinderlocal455.com\/blog\/?p=1421"},"modified":"2014-06-25T22:17:48","modified_gmt":"2014-06-25T22:17:48","slug":"steel-girder","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bookbinderlocal455.com\/blog\/2010\/10\/28\/steel-girder\/","title":{"rendered":"steel girder"},"content":{"rendered":"

woke up to the new pornographers song \u201cchallengers,\u201d which
\nis such a sad song and made me lie there in the dark and listen to
\nthe words (whatever the mess you are, you\u2019re
\nmine<\/em>), while my mind raced in the background. racing
\nmind was all because i talked to crush #2 for an hour last night
\n(!) and did some things i\u2019m not proud of during the conversation
\n(briefly mentioned two exes; and that i\u2019d run into this guy LATE
\none night and he wanted to see my house and ended up coming over
\nfor a second). i know those things are harmless-ish on paper, but
\nit reflects a growing intimacy AND my desire to appear \u201cworthy\u201d
\n(i.e., desired by other men) (a bad habit of mine, which comes out
\nwhen i feel insecure). and then right after i got off the phone, i
\ngot an email from alexa about her life and hazel and my psychic
\nability and how she\u2019d finally met brendan, who i never think about
\nanymore, because you have to let old crushes live their lives and
\nbe happy and just give those things up, because crushes are fantasy
\nland, and your real life is where you are. which all made me
\nterribly emo, so i had to listen to the new year\u2019s \u201cfolios\u201d on
\nrepeat for awhile:<\/p>\n

i don\u2019t think the good years i\u2019ve got can wait so what are we staying
\nfor so what are we staying for<\/em><\/p>\n

so crush #2: what to do? how do i scale it back? despite my best efforts, i\u2019m sort of
\ntoo open to him. just an exposed nerve ready for pinching. i want
\nto have open eyes and an open heart and risk the shiz out of shiz,
\nwhich is why i fundamentally feel maybe crush #2 is the wrong guy
\nfor me. because he\u2019s so guarded. he texts me every day, but
\nsomewhat ordinary things about his lunch, or things like\u00a0 \u201cur
\nnice.\u201d last night he closed the call by saying he was sending me a
\ncheek kiss across the distance. very sweet, but…not exactly a
\nraging river of passion.<\/p>\n

UR
\nNICE. UR NICE. UR NICE. UR NICE.<\/p>\n

maybe it’s fine. maybe
\nit’s amazing. but i need some distance. so my new rules:<\/p>\n

    \n
  1. build steel girder around my heart.<\/li>\n
  2. no more late-night phone calls.(<– ed.
    \nnote: already failed.)<\/em><\/li>\n
  3. no more
    \ntexting during the day. (<– ed. note: also
    \nfailed.)<\/em><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    woke up to the new pornographers song \u201cchallengers,\u201d which is such a sad song and made me lie there in the dark and listen to the words (whatever the mess you are, you\u2019re mine), while my mind raced in the background. racing mind was all because i talked to crush #2 for an hour last […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_s2mail":"yes","footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1421","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/bookbinderlocal455.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1421","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/bookbinderlocal455.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/bookbinderlocal455.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bookbinderlocal455.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bookbinderlocal455.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1421"}],"version-history":[{"count":48,"href":"https:\/\/bookbinderlocal455.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1421\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":8369,"href":"https:\/\/bookbinderlocal455.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1421\/revisions\/8369"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/bookbinderlocal455.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1421"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bookbinderlocal455.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1421"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bookbinderlocal455.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1421"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}