If I never write anything good again I will become a Fed Ex driver. At first I was going to become a UPS driver but I guess brown isn’t my color. So, I will try to look sporting in the purple uniform and I will dutifully deliver packages and drive that neat truck all around town.
Questions about happiness generally assume that we know what a happy life looks like. Happiness is understood to be a matter of having a great many ducks lined up in a row — spouse, offspring, private property, erotic experiences — even though a millisecond of reflection will bring to mind countless people who have all those things and are still miserable.
We are constantly given one-size-fits-all recipes, but those recipes fail, often and hard. Nevertheless, we are given them again. And again and again. They become prisons and punishments; the prison of the imagination traps many in the prison of a life that is correctly aligned with the recipes and yet is entirely miserable.
The problem may be a literary one: we are given a single story line about what makes a good life, even though not a few who follow that story line have bad lives. We speak as though there is one good plot with one happy outcome, while the myriad forms a life can take flower — and wither — all around us.
guys. weird slice of life. i was at this store in marfa — mano — one day last winter, and i saw this middle aged woman try on one of their military shirts and it instantly transformed her from nice mom to super cool lady, and i was like, WHOA, and have since just really thought about those shirts. just the POWER of those shirts.
last month, my stepmom gave me $100 to celebrate my engagement (!!!!!!) and i was like, OBVIOUSLY BUYIN THAT SHIRT POSTHASTE but then i was like, wait, no, i should buy something for ross and me, so i instead bought a 4th dinner place setting for us (cuz we could only afford three at christmas) (which sounds sad in the telling, but really, it was just practical/frugal/thoughtful money monagement) (accidental typo with “monagement,” but feel it is appropriate), so now we have four place settings!!!!! please come eat with us (if you are two people). ANYWAY, i told this story to a lot of people, just the part about the awesome military shirt, and how it had transformed this woman, kind of a boring story, why was i telling everyone, but anyway, i was, and then tonight i got home and saw a package on my doorstep and MY FRIEND LOGAN BOUGHT THE SHIRT FOR ME AND LEFT IT ON MY DOORSTEP. i was like, ________ (i.e., utter surprise).
i hope she knows this will mean triplefold surprises for her and kindnesses like NONE OTHER. also i will be wearing this shirt every day for the rest of time.
AS: How do you think about sex at this point in your life?
LW: God. I tell you what. It’s a drag getting older. I said that before and I’ll say it again. I don’t care what everybody says, “Oh it gets better.” Crap. No. It fuckin’ sucks. You know what? Everything dries up. It all dries up. So I’m just like, fuck it. I don’t know. I don’t know what to do.
AS: Well I appreciate your honesty. Often, when I ask pe –
LW: I can’t believe I just said this over the—on the fucking radio. [laughter]
look who’s back in town! to celebrate, we stayed in el paso and went to lucy’s (king’s x location), which was recommended by a friend. we walked in, they were playing too short, biggie, “tootsee roll,” and serving white zin and very mediocre enchiladas. our waiter had a broken arm. highly recommend.
Having a butt is a wonderful thing. I’m not even talking about size here—having something portable that’s comfortable to sit on and makes pants fit is truly a gift.