the future

(image via mr. harris tweed)

so the tv show job didn’t work out. they hired me but then changed their minds two days later and offered me a different lowlier position and i was like, wait what? can you actually do that? which made me reevaluate why i was involved with the project again —  was it just money or was it taking me closer to some part of my [cloudy, nebulous] dream? it’s a cool project to be part of, and i was interested in learning a new field, having a challenge, seeing what it’s like, plus i like the tv show’s creator, but i was already fretting and worrying and was it getting me anywhere closer to my own thang? also weird way to start. so i said no. so now i have nothing on the dockets for months. forever, i guess. i think it’s ok. i want to buckle down and just focus on how to swim out to my own ship rather than always jumping on the nearest boat (YES) and gonna draw and focus and side hustle and research grad school and clean up my resume and try to find real jobs that stoke my fire [ew] and not just pay the bills. i just feel like i’m beyond all that. not ABOVE it: just beyond it. try for the real thing. isn’t it time? plus something about the whole situation feels like divine intervention.