a lot to say that has been forgotten

i was desperate to write about a million blog posts after my trip to austin, mostly about the movie beginners, but i couldn’t get to an internet connection and my computer in time, or i couldn’t get enough alone time, and now it’s almost EIGHT DAYS LATER and i have no blog post in me. except to recommend beginners, even though john didn’t love it and a couple of reviews made it sound ham-fisted, or whatever that expression is. but it touched many bones inside of me, including a (step)parent dying from cancer, and the deep secret fear that no romantic relationship will work, because of one’s unfixable brokenness, and therefore sabotaging it or destroying it unnecessarily.