what the hell

Posted: October 21st, 2014 | No Comments »

listen ONE LIFE. how to just enjoy it. i am very good at enjoying food and yes, alcohol, and also binge reading trashy novels, but the day to day pleasures of just BEING ALIVE and NOT HAVING ANYTHING WRONG, not so much. got into a funk yesterday for dumb reasons, does everyone get into funks? also wasn’t nice to my friend susannah. is anyone else not nice sometimes for no good reason? so dumb. also have to come up with proposal for dream job. not a bad situation to be in but still giving me some anxiety. they told me they wanted me to stay (!) and to figure out what i want (!!). was really really awesome and validating. kind of almost felt like an angel resting on my shoulder, or when saints pray and they see god and are like, WHOA YOU’RE REALLY HERE, YOU’RE REALLY TALKING TO ME. i’m trying not to listen to bad voices about how i was a disappointment, and dream big. can i do it? or am i actually a total failure disappointment and that’s why our music program died?  PROBABLY. in other news, work is bananas. also i think i’m going to make another cup of coffee.

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