Posted: November 26th, 2014 | No Comments »

breathing tool photo 2

i had surgery last week! this is me in the middle of the night trying to use my breathing tool and also my stomach bruise, which made me feel tough. also those are really weird hospital issue underpants.


  1. i’d only had outpatient surgery once and it was to remove this harmless fatty lump on my stomach and it was when i was working at yahoo! and miserable, so any excuse to be away from the office. the anesthesia was awesome and i woke up super loopy and happy and gerard picked me up and took me to the pharmacy and then dropped me off at my house and i watched that magician movie with the top hats while on pain pills and i was like, MY LIFE RULES!
  2. this time i had to spend the night in the hospital, which was honestly a bit grim, even though i had a private room (total luxury, made me cry when they told me). they keep waking you up every hour and also asking if you are using your breathing tool, but i was always trying to sleep, so no, not using the breathing tool. also a lot of people are fussing over you and also you’re forbidden drink and food and you have to ask for ice chips to wet your lips and basically it’s pretty dreary. also you have to wear compression socks, which were surprisingly ok, but seem sad in my suitcase after the fact. anyway, i could not wait to leave. poor everyone who has to spend time in there and also poor everyone who has to have serious surgeries.
  3. this anesthesiology was NOT SEXY. it was like waking up kinda sick feeling and then nauseous and sleepy and then also later constipated. COOL.
  4. also i had a catheter!!!!!!!!! i somehow convinced myself that it wasn’t a catheter, it was some new amazing technology attached to my bladder, where you never felt like going to the bathroom but it took care of it for you. it was a catheter.
  5. my friends and family have all been incredibly awesome, and actually work has been awesome, too. truth be told i would not mind continuing this regimen of lying around not eating and getting presents and sipping egg nog and figuring out how to get two of the “best short stories of the year” for free on the web.


Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.