rock me on the water

in “hyster systers guide to hysterectomy” (REAL NAME), i think they should say in week 2.5, you may start to feel phases of grief, in a quick rush, and then be done (or done-ish). monday i was grieving, tuesday i felt bitter, today i am feeling glad that i don’t have to infect a child with any of my weirdnesses or worry about kids being mean. also i started thinking about how i would commit suicide when i get old to avoid a nursing home: do you need a gas oven? or could i keep my pain pills from this surgery for 30 years and OD? can you OD on 20 30-year-old pills? kinda morbid but whatever just a brain thinking. also a good song: linda ronstadt, “rock me on the water.”