today is my day when i read blogs and try and spark something

Around such damages to the ego a shrinking psyche had formed: I applied myself to my work, but only grudgingly; I’d make one move toward people I liked, but never two; I wore makeup but dressed badly. To do any or all of these things well would have been to engage heedlessly with life — love it more than I loved my fears — and this I could not do. What I could do, apparently, was daydream the years away: to go on yearning for “things” to be different so that I would be different.

Vivian Gornick, The Cost of Daydreaming – NYTimes.com (via myszko)

(via DCB)

“Now there was only the immensity of the vacated present. Then and there I vowed to take seriously the task of filling it.”