Posted: May 30th, 2019 | No Comments »
the coolest

me, 1988, 14 years old, braces, vest, fluffy hair, mad style

john dug up some old home videos of us from college and high school and oh it was intense viewing. good memories, but also kind of traumatizing. i’d kind of built up my own mythology about those days — “i was square but happy,” “nerdy but actually cool” — which is…eh…true, but also doesn’t account for all the searching, awkwardness, trying to figure out who to be, HOW to be, during the ages of 12-23. i had the most amazing friends, but i was such a late bloomer, and basically you could see all that melodramatic seeking in the videos. was painful to witness; i was so relieved to be past it. to have figured it out (relatively) (still struggle with a different kind of seeking) (though i’m trying to frame my searching as curiosity) (life is not about flatlining, right?). the moral of the story is that some kids get out of adolescence easy; some DO NOT. (or does anyone really get out easy? maybe it’s all a question of hard or harder or hardest.)

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