how to get the blues on a thursday night

Posted: June 7th, 2019 | No Comments »

1. go out to dinner with former colleague, try to go to alpine for pizza night from possibly religious, spelt-positive bakery, don’t think to call to confirm, it’s closed for vacation, so go instead to la casita, pay $20 for mediocre cheese enchiladas and hear about how the music festival you created is/was terrible, everyone on the board hates it, wants it to end — do your best to not take it personally but

2. get back to marfa at 9pm and go to jett’s for glass of wine with colleague, sit at bar, but only seats at bar are next to nice acquaintances who talk to us for the full 30 minutes we are there.

3. drop off colleague, go to lost horse to see ross play, everyone in town is there, anxiety central, try to hide in back and pretend i can just see a show, like, just simply SEE A SHOW, but so many people, so much (nice) small talk, everyone wants to say hi, so nice, but can’t deal, leave after 1.5 hours, head home, wonder how people do it in marfa, because it really works for lots of people, why doesn’t it work for me, am i anti-community??????????

4. go home, watch the hockey game while doing a crossword, doze off, wake up at 2am cuz ross still not home. text him to see if he needs a ride. no reply. start gently worrying, very gently. at 2:45am he comes in with our house guests, dogs go crazy barking, heart pounding. feel angry but more like sad, like a stupid square for being in bed when married to rocker partier, why wasn’t i partying, too? (A: work in the morning, social anxiety, marfa exhaustion, too much small talk from hour 1), go down sad rabbit hole where i wonder if we should even be married, cuz what does a rocker partier need? probably another rocker partier, right. or at least someone who thrives on small communities.

5. stay up till 4:3-am, worrying, listening to my rain rain app


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