simply a part of being human

Posted: March 30th, 2020 | No Comments »

man, sarah hepola writing such sad goodness about aging and wanting:

The fantasy of agelessness is that no grief and loss would come to us. The fantasy of beauty and perfection is: if I only looked that way, no pain would wash up to my shore. I would not be lonely anymore. I would fix the blasted hole inside me. I would finally be happy. But what I have seen in my own life is the more I cling to happiness, the less I have it. The more I need to be beautiful, the more sad and scared and ugly I feel.

It was quiet in the exam room after the nurse left, and I got dressed and tugged on my jean jacket, which reminded me of a jean jacket I’d worn back when I was 14, because I was trying to look older, more sophisticated. I wondered if I would ever learn the trick of being comfortable with whatever I had, or if it was simply a part of being human, or being a woman, or being a woman in Dallas—to want more.

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