Posted: October 16th, 2011 | No Comments »

came back to marfa from NYC, and basically had an anxiety attack about work (kicked off by the possibility of giving a tour by myself at work on a saturday) (not THAT big of a deal), which i couldn’t shake, which led to the very slightest disconnect from ross, which made me feel lonely, which led to even worse social anxiety at a concert later that night. walked into bar and immediately felt total dread about talking to anyone, which was stuffed with people i knew. had to talk to someone about a possible new job laying pipe (“that could be cool?”) and how much someone’s doc martens hurt her feet (“that sucks”) and why someone hadn’t attended our event in new york (“honestly, it’s no big deal”) and other dumb bullshit. it was like, wow, i live here, in this place, with a billion friends, and none of them are even…that close. we are just talking bullshit. WHAT’S THE POINT. even though sometimes talking bullshit is hilarious fun and i’m like, BEST LIFE EVER. but not this night. instead it made me super lonely and i had to duck out, with tears rolling down my cheeks, and then walk for 1.5 hours and talk to john and listen to “sunday bloody sunday” 18 times at max volume. basically the only U2 song i really know, besides “one,” also awesome, from achtung baby, which i listened to almost exclusively — alternating with andrew lloyd weber’s greatest hits — while writing my college applications (see also: “why i didn’t get into princeton”).

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