michael hurley

o my stars how you undo me

COSMO, THE WORST MAGAZINE IN EXISTENCE

was reading cosmo at the gym yesterday and there was an article about new sex positions — accompanied by a full-page photo of a dog in a bed.

FULL PAGE PHOTO OF A DOG IN A BED

COSMO YOU MAY BE SENDING ME MIXED MESSAGES

in other news, here are my cosmo website search results for “positions”

TODAY

ross is out of town, so today i woke up at 7 am, watched the end of a twin peaks episode, ate chocolate chips in bed, did my leg exercises, did the elliptical for 25 minutes, put on my posture harness (since removed), drove clyde out to vizcaino park so he could run around (he didn’t really), got coffee, ate a polenta lemon muffin, and daydreamed about my new parent-banned doughnut ABC book, which shall teach children nothing, and create a nation of doughnut lovers and fat children.

a is for apple fritter
b is for bears breakfasting on beignets/boston creams/bavarian cremes/buttermilk bars
c is for cruller
d is for dunking double chocolate donuts
e is for eclair
f is for frosted french cruller
g is for gorillas gobbling glazed donuts
h is for hot donut holes
i is for icing
j is for jelly donuts
k is for kids eating kinklings
l is for long johns
m is for maple bars (alt: millie’s magnificent mini doughnuts)
n is for nut-topped doughnuts
o is for old-fashioneds/oliebollens
p is for polish paczkis
q is for QUADRILLIONS OF DONUTS! (alt: quince…?)
r is for raspberry filled
s is for strawberry iced
t is for twists
u is for uncle uzi’s’s unbelievable apple cider doughnut
v is for vanilla cream bombolonis
w is for white powdered sugar donuts (<– courtesy of the excellent julie r!)
x is for ____________
y is for youtiao (alt: YAHOO WE’RE EATING DOUGHNUTS)
z is for zeppole

ps the book will look like a pink bakery box. or maybe it’s shaped like a donut, WHO KNOWS

EVIL HEART RETURNS

things i like
donuts
my new children’s ABC book based on donuts
all caps
hot tubs

things i don’t like
trash-talking
people who can’t admit that they’ve made a mistake
my humongous ego

feel weird

just got back from overnight trip to carlsbad for a pal’s birthday — went to the caverns, ate at chili’s, sat in a hot tub, drank a beer in the hot tub, took a cold pool dip, went bowling, went to walmart, watched the end of he’s just not that into you, and got a lot of donuts to bring back to marfa, since i’ve been watching twin peaks and all it does it make me want to have 50 donuts on hand at all times. it was, in theory, fun, the caverns were fun, the bowling was all right, the hot tub was awesome, but we did a lot of talking, about people, relationships, fidelity, marfa, etc. and it sort of left me feeling down. just…what is the way to share things with people, express discontent, and not have it become a shit-talking session? remember my evil heart, i have one, it’s true, and sometimes i want to process it, and help de-evilize it, but how do you do this without hurting invisible people’s feelings?

i came back feeling bad, not refreshed, like a heavy stone.

which somehow led me to accusing ross of sleeping with marfa’s one-legged soft-core-porn bartender (YES SHE EXISTS), cuz the bed “didn’t look slept in.”

greetings, i’m officially insane.

CONCLUSION: NO MORE LADY ROAD TRIPS TO CARLSBAD

carl’s cactus lanes, carlsbad, nm

how did this rock get into my shoe

also titled, “how not to take care of one’s shoes”

two stellas

— Mr. Muthafuckin’ eXquire on how you should listen to his music.

(via split infinitives)

new look?

simple pleasures

• riding the bike at the gym and watching criminal minds
• walking with a friend to the coffeeshop
• a bite of banana maple muffin and a small coffee
• talking about moms who want to move to nashville