85% highest regard

NO JOY HERE IN THESE PARTS LATELY. despite feeling relatively competent at job and not eating gluten (smug joy).

does it matter if someone doesn’t love you AS MUCH as past loves? is that even a thing? does it matter? it doesn’t, right? what it is the finish line to a relationship? there is no finish line. so why not just live in the moment and enjoy it all with so much feverous joy? loose partnership, lying together at night, someone to call, someone to count on, someone to turn to, someone to return to, hugs, kisses, sex, holding hands, road trips, listening to music, watching hockey together while eating homemade spaghetti, so excellent.

still. i hear the words in my memory, like tiny knives piercing me heart. a feeling of being…only 65% adored — still a lot of adorement — although truthfully actually adoration is not the right term. lack of adoration is maybe the problem.

perhaps “85% highest regard,” more accurate.

ps. no google images results for “tiny knives piercing a heart,” in case you were wondering

ps2. can someone please get down with that hitman article as much as i did? what is wrong with EVERYONE