Posted: December 14th, 2015 | No Comments »

i know i’m early on this but i am ready to kick 2015 to the damn CURB. it wasn’t terrible and i’m blessed and  able to enjoy daily joys and i’m listening to this right now, but overall, 2015 was a rocky road. hysterectomy jammed the whole thing, like a weird year of stupid grieving, like truly, STUPID grieving, as i was on the fence about having kids ANYWAY, but there’s something about not having a choice that just stings. also going back to work after having worked so hard to quit, and being tentatively hopeful about the new scenario, but still feeling like a piece of charred wood — just was bad all the way around. having to press up against the knowledge that i was too burnt felt like a stubbornness on my part, which made me feel worse, so burnt PLUS guilty PLUS hopeless, let’s be honest, a bad combination. there were good things that came out of the extra work year (meeting laura and sarah; switching ballroom’s site to shopify!!!! i’m still thrilled about this, because i am a deep true nerd; the incredible steve earle playing for ballroom; taking mike simonetti to the el paso airport airport; health insurance), but you know, when you are burnt, you are burnt, and that may be the end of the story (maybe it’s not the end of the story for some but for me it was). but i’m ready for a new era. mariah, take me out please.

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