one thing

Posted: February 10th, 2019 | No Comments »

one thing about living here — it, a little bit, feels like endless obligation, like you have to go to someone’s show, attend this meeting, speak to so-and-so, etc. etc. perhaps obligation isn’t the right word — it sounds so onerous, and yet…it’s not as choice-driven as commitment — so maybe it is obligation.

but also — i’m wondering if that’s just the nature of community? and if so, kind of UGH, but then kind of like — maybe that’s why community is cool? but then truly double UGH, cuz while i want to be a totally cool team player and love (in theory) (the idea of) community, i also hate being tied down to anything that i haven’t actively chosen. i want to choose all of it, always, and anything that isn’t my choice makes me feel resentful (even though it might be cool as hell).


ps this just came up because yesterday, i worked on my school assignment, cleaned, baked, did mega laundry, and watched isle of dogs, and it was so dope to be so…free. i was wondering if this is why i liked portland so well? i had my little crew of pals and my job, but no other outside tethers to make me feel pinned down.

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